when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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