can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
