Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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