I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
