He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
