you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His nipple licking is glorious
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