So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
