Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
