12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
