Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
