I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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