U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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