"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
