Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
