I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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