Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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