You can't motorboat a personality
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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