My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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