you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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