Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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