I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
