Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
