u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
