mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
