Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
