I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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