My sheets look like a crime scene.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
