I think i peed on brittanys purse
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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