just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
