I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
