Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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