Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
