if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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