Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
