Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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