No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
