you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
