yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The ass gains better be worth it
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