My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
