Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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