What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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