My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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