It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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