i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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