It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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