how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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