I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
