I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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