Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
