yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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