I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I see more hoeing in ur future
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