Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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