I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
