Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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