also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sarcasm needs its own font
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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