I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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