Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
