Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
