If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
