i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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